Stupid Cupid
by Eriyum
Summary: Naruko, the number one knucklehead ninja, has returned after 3 years of training! Now she is powered up, grown up, and - courtesy of Jiraiya - a little messed up! She develops an interest in playing matchmaker while working on Icha Icha. Who better to test her skills on than Sakura and Kakashi? They were clearly OTP. Unfortunately for her, Kakashi has other ideas.
1. Chapter 1

I own nothing. I also extended her training by one year so she would be just a little bit older when she returned home. Because I could.

Naruko was finally returning home after three years of traveling and training with Jiraiya,and they were nearly there. The gates looming in the distance, visible over the tree tops if she jumped high enough. She could hardly contain herself as she ran ever faster towards the horizon. She wondered how things had changed over the last three years, and most importantly if Ichiraku's was still in business without her daily visit. Most of all she was excited to see her friends again, they had probably all changed a lot since her departure.

Naruko had grown and changed a lot over the three years. That isn't to say she had grown much taller, but to her dismay and Jiraiya's delight, it did mean she had grown curvier. Enough so that Jiraiya endlessly teased her about being "Foxy", but even worse was that she had to adjust her fighting style to accommodate for her chest being _in the way_. She had once threatened to cut them off during a PMS fuelled rage, but Jiraiya had bought her chocolate and the fox had threatened to grow them back out of spite, so she got over it. Besides, Tsunade had mentioned in a coded letter that Sakura was still incredibly flat chested, and Naruko was kind of looking forward to rubbing it in her face. Sakura used to tell Naruko she looked like a boy after all when they were kids. In all fairness, she _had_ looked like a boy with her short hair and a baggy orange jumpsuit, but that was beside the point.

Honestly, she didn't know what to expect when she walked through those gates, but one thing was for sure, she hoped that Bushy-Brow had outgrown his green jumpsuit and the bowl cut, because there was no hope for him and Sakura-chan if he still looked like Gai-sensei. She had secretly been rooting for him since Sasuke lost his marbles and left the village. He was her best friend, and she was going to bring him home, but he was NOT boyfriend material. Sakura-chan deserved better and Rock Lee was the epitome of devotion, even if he was a little extreme. Okay, so Naruko had obsessed over this for a while. Her time editing Icha Icha and helping Jiraiya develop the storyline had opened her eyes to her potential as a matchmaker. And if there was one thing Naruko enjoyed most, it was making people she cared about uncomfortable and happy all at the same time. She intended to make Sakura-chan her first victim and set her up with the perfect man. She didn't know if she would be a good matchmaker in real life, but there was only one way to find out, and that was to hurry home and see for herself.

"Hurry up pervy-sage! The gate is just up ahead!" she called out to the man running behind her. She knew he could outpace her if he tried, he was just being lazy. She was considering running ahead of him, but he had all the paperwork so she would end up having to wait from him regardless.

"Jeez kid, I should have known you wouldn't give an old man a break. You even made me cut my research short so that we could leave early. Well, I guess there is no helping it. The sooner we get back to the village, the sooner I can get back to work." He replied. With a great heave, Jiraiya propelled himself forward and ahead of Naruko who grinned.

"That's more like it!" she shouted as she ran after him. He was definitely still outpacing her, but that speed gap was getting smaller and smaller every day. They emerged from the forest in a matter of minutes and were greeted by the site of the gate standing proudly. Two shinobi were minding the entrance like usual, and if their excited chatter was anything to go by they had recognized who they were already.

"Wow! It's really Jiraiya-sama and Naruko! We weren't expecting you for a few more days!" said one of the guards as he went through the motions of signing them in.

"I know," said Jiraiya in a dismayed voice. "but someone was in a hurry to get home." He said, side glancing at Naruko. She wasn't paying attention though, she was too busy staring through the gate and hopping from foot to foot in anticipation. One of the guards chuckled and handed her back her ID.

"Well, off you go Naruko, and welcome home." He said. Naruko was off like a shot, she ran up the first pole she came across and gazed down over her home. It looked just as she remembered, bright and busy, though perhaps there was a bit more housing in the north end. She looked to he hokage mountain and paused, Tsunade's face had been added to the cliffside. Naruko smiled softly, so maybe not everything was exactly the same, but then again neither was she. Well then, there was only one thing left to do. Inhaling deeply, Naruko held a cupped hand to her mouth.

"EVERYONE, NARUKO UZUMAKI IS BACK!" she shouted at the top of her lungs. "Ahh, yup, this really takes me back!" she said to herself. Naruko jumped down from the pole and headed in the direction of Hokage Tower, it had been too long since she had seen Baa-chan. She kept her eyes peeled for familiar faces as she made her way down the streets. To her utter delight, it was Sakura's face she saw first.

"Sakura-chan!" she shouted with a wave. Four heads turned in her direction, it looked like Sakura was with Konohamaru and his friends as well! Wow the kid had really grown!

"Naruko!?" Sakura exclaimed with wide eyes as she took her in. Konohamaru gave her the thumbs up.

"Wow Boss! You sure grew up hot, as expected of the next Hokage!" he said with a bright grin. Sakura bopped the kid on the head, but she didn't disagree.

"Naruko, wow, when do you get back?" she asked.

"Just now! I haven't even seen Baa-chan yet. Sakura-chan it's so good to see you!" said Naruko as she launched herself at the pink-haired ninja for a hug. If Naruko took a moment to notice that, yes, Sakura-chan really did have small boobs, that was no one's business but her own.

"My Naruko, you certainly… grew up." She said, not so subtly eyeing the blonde's chest. "You're still shorter than me though." She said with satisfaction. Naruko pursed her lips.

"Maybe. Only by an inch or so." She muttered. Sakura had her there, oh well, there would be many chances to one up Sakura-chan later.

"Boss! Watch this! I have perfected my sexy jutsu! The proportions are just right!" interrupted Konohamaru. Naruko watched with interest as her disciple vanished in a puff of smoke and was replaced with a voluptuous brunette woman. Sakura-chan looked shell-shocked while Naruko herself felt disappointed.

"That technique… is beneath you, Konohamaru." She said, crossing her arms. The visage disappeared and a confused Konohamaru was in its place. "I don't ever want to see you use that again." She said, sternly. Konohamaru looked downcast, but nodded anyways.

"Wow, Naruko, that is very mature of you." Said Sakura, only to be cut off by Naruko.

"Instead I want to see you work on the ULTIMATE SEXY JUTSU!" shouted Naruko as she vanished in a puff of smoke, in her wake was a harem of sexy women, naked except for the strategically placed clouds. Amidst her shock, Sakura noted that one of the girls looked almost exactly like Naruko, and one of them looked almost exactly like her. Her look-alike had the audacity to wink at her.

"DO YOU ACTUALLY HAVE NO SHAME!?" she shouted at Naruko's flying body, Sakura had sent her flying with a punch on instinct, she almost wasn't aware that she had done it. Naruko, on the other hand, was very aware, a broken jaw was hard to ignore, after all, she was so lucky she had the fox to heal her. As luck would have it she flew straight into Jiraiya, who managed to catch her, but not without skidding backward.

"Did you piss off Tsunade already?" he asked his injured student. Naruko, blinked up at him with a look of horror plastered on her face and shook her head.

"No… it was Sakura-chan. There's _two of them now, pervy-sage._" She whisper-yelled. Jiraiya paled as well, he predicted much pain in his immediate future.

"Come on brat, we better get to Tsunade before we make her angry too. She doesn't like to be kept waiting." He said. Naruko nodded her head and righted herself, and if she hid behind Jiraiya when they caught back up with Sakura, well… that was because Sakura-chan sacred her.

They made it to the Hokage's tower with minimal incident, other than Sakura-chan chewing her out for being immature and pulling a stunt like that after being reunited. Naruko was able to smooth things over by appealing to Sakura's vanity and promising to remove her from the harem. Which was annoying, because now she would have to modify the jutsu _again_. They were done arguing by the time they knocked on Tsunade's door at least.

"Enter." Said Tsunade from the other side of the door, and Naruko pushed the wooden doors open with enthusiasm.

"Yo, Baa-chan! I have returned! Believe it!" she announced as she walked into the room. Tsunade visibly perked up as the blonde and her fellow Sanin walked into the room.

"_Naruko_?" she said as she looked over the girl. "Well, you certainly aren't the same brat that left here three years ago, are you?" she said. Naruko grinned, between her long hair and other assets, there was no mistaking her for a boy anymore. "You grew up hot, kid." She said with an approving once over.

"Of course, was there ever any doubt?" said Naruko, posing so her side profile was in Sakura's direct line of sight. She grinned when she saw Sakura's eyebrow twitch. Yeah, that wasn't going to get boring any time soon.

"Well…" said Tsunade, and Naruko deflated a bit.

"You… you really have no faith Baa-chan." Whined Naruko. Tsunade shrugged.

"You did look like a boy when you were 12, Foxy. I almost refused to train you because I thought you were someone else." Said Jiraiya with a shrug. Sakura snickered while Naruko looked betrayed.

"Pervy-sage… you traitor. I swear I'll never use the sexy jutsu for your research again." She said. Jiraiya looked alarmed.

"Hey now, lets not make threats! How about I buy you ramen to make up for it." Said Jiraiya, trying to recover Naruko's favor. Honestly, the sexy jutsu was integral to his books recent increase of success. Tsunade was looking at both of them with a critical eye, before sighing and shaking her head.

"I don't want to know, so just shut up." She said to both of them, they simultaneously nodded their heads.

"Now, after three years of training I assume you have learned a few new tricks, brat?" Said Tsunade. Naruko grinned and nodded her head.

"You better believe it!" she said with a hand on her hip, she was proud of what she had accomplished over the last three years.

"Good. I want you to show me what you have learned. I've arranged a ninja for you to spar with." She said. Just then, there was a knock at the door and two ninja entered the room. Naruko beamed as she recognized the two.

"Hey Shikamaru, guess who is back." Said Sakura, proudly gesturing at the blonde. It took him a few moments before his eyes widened.

"Naruko?" he said, shaking his head. Behind him, Temari leaned forward in shock.

"Holy shit, I thought she was a boy…" she muttered to herself. Naruko's beaming smile disappeared as she sent the other woman a hurt look. She recovered quickly though and turned her attention to Shikamaru.

"Neh, Shikamaru, are you the ninja I'm supposed to fight?" she asked. Shikamaru shook his head.

"I don't know what you're talking about, I'm just here to drop off some reports for the Hokage." He said, holding up the papers for her to see.

"Oh… then Temari-san?" she asked. The sand-nin just shook her head, still openly staring at Naruko's chest. She'd honestly thought she was a boy…..

"No Naruko, they aren't here to fight you. Your opponent is right outside the window." Said Tsunade, looking a little resigned.

"Really? Who is it?" Naruko asked as she walked towards the open window. She braced her hands on the window ledge and leaned her head and torso outside. To her surprise Kakashi sat there, eye smiling and holding a copy of icha icha.

"Yo." He said with a small wave.

"Kakashi-sensei!" she exclaimed with delight. Kakashi opened his eye to give his student a proper hello and choked on air as his brain tried to comprehend what it was seeing. The colors certainly screamed Naruko, as the woman before him was dressed in an orange jacket and a black shirt. However, the long hair, large curves, and feminine face couldn't possibly belong to his little androgynous student.

"Naruko?" he said. Blue eyes danced with mirth as she laughed at him.

"Wow you haven't changed a bit Kaka-sensei!" she said. "Anyways, I've got a gift for you!" she exclaimed as she retreated into the Hokage's office. Kakashi followed suit and jumped up onto the window ledge, where he stayed crouching.

"Oh, for me?" he said, intrigued. Naruko nodded with a toothy grin and pulled out a book from her pouch.

"Look here Kakashi-sensei! The newest volume of Icha-Icha! It hasn't even been released to the public yet." She said, proudly. Kakashi reached out and held the book with reverence. He was honestly touched, here he was being handed new porn by a very attractive blonde, now if only the blonde woman wasn't his student (who was supposed to stay androgynous forever), everything would be perfect.

"Naruko, have I ever told you that you are my favorite student? Your sensei is so touched." He said, only to be cut off by an annoyed Tsunade.

"Honestly, man, get a hold of yourself." She griped, Kakashi eye smiled and wisely chose not to say anything more.

"Hey, are you going to be my opponent then, Kakashi-sensei?" asked Naruko.

"Ahh, yours and Sakura-chan's," he said. Naruko turned around and looked at Sakura for confirmation, and Sakura looked to Tsunade.

"Yes, I wanted to test not only the skills you have learned from Jiraiya, Naruko, but also the skills that Sakura has been learning with me." Said Tsunade. Naruko thought back to her encounter with Sakura earlier and put her hands behind her back so Kakashi could see them, and quickly signed the shinobi signal for _run_. Kakashi, who had been looking forward to the team 7 reunion, suddenly found himself wondering if he should be dreading the occasion instead.

"Ah, we don't need to start this test right away. Surely Naruko must still be tired from all her traveling. We can meet up tomorrow." He said, and quickly departed from the Hokage's tower. Naruko was probably just trying to mess with his head… but Kakashi had new porn to read and it was better safe than sorry. Sakura pinched the bridge of her nose and shook her head.

"He probably just wanted to read his new book." She said disapprovingly. Naruko giggled nervously and nodded her head.

"Haha, yeah, probably." She agreed, while internally congratulating herself for saving her sensei's life. If he was caught reading porn during their fight by Sakura-chan, she was probably going to turn him into a vegetable. Hopefully, her sensei was better behaved around Sakura-chan than pervy-sage was around Tsunade. At that moment, inspiration hit Naruko like lightning.

If Kakashi = Jiraiya, and Sakura = Tsunade, and Jiraiya+Tsunade = Obviously Soul Mates, then didn't Kakashi+Sakura = OTP as well? Naruko grinned and congratulated herself on her own genius, sorry Lee but it looks like Sakura-chan IS spoken for. Clearly, there had never been a better matchmaker to grace the earth! Now all she had to do was figure out a way to get her sensei and teammate together.


	2. Chapter 2

**I own nothing as always! I also didn't edit… I'm a little bit sorry. **

In the Hokage's office, Jiraiya observed the jounin's retreat in contemplative silence. Kakashi may not be one of his own students, but as the man who had trained his own Jounin-sensei, Jiraiya thought he new the man pretty well. He had observed much of his training in his younger years, seen how he grew up, and shared some of his pains through Minato. Anyone who knew Kakashi half as well as Jiraiya would know just how strongly Kakashi felt about team bonds. Having his student abandon the village and forsake team seven had been a blow to the man's psyche. Similarly, when it was first announced that Naruko would be leaving the village to train three years ago, the man had been visibly disappointed and very vocal about his displeasure at losing his student for so long. That was why Jiraiya found it so odd that he would cut his reunion with Naruko so short, as well as postponing their spar by a full day. The man had been Naruko's instructor for roughly two years before their time had been cut short. Jiraiya had expected more enthusiasm, though like every man, he understood the allure of great literature.

"Jiraiya, see if you can hunt down their wayward sensei, no doubt he has hidden himself somewhere away with that… inspired gift. I want this evaluation to happen tonight. Naruko, Sakura, you two are to report to training grounds seven in two hours." Said Tsunade. The three ninja nodded in agreement and Tsunade dismissed them all from her office. Jiraiya left to hunt down Kakashi as Tsunade had instructed, there were things he needed to talk to the brat about anyways. Naruko happily exited the building with Shikamaru, Temari, and Sakura in tow. She was looking forward to having a few hours to chat with old friends and maybe she would spend some time getting her apartment in order. Lord knows what it looked like after three years of neglect.

Naruko's spidey-senses were tingling as she watched Shikamaru and the Temari interact. It wasn't like the boy to give someone undivided attention while they were speaking. Usually he was busy multi-tasking or people watching while he was having a conversation. Sakura was giving her questioning, and slightly concerned looks as she noticed her blonde teammate leering at their companions. Eventually even Shikamaru couldn't ignore her anymore.

"What is it, Naruko?" he asked her, slightly dreading her response. Inquisitive Naruko was never a good sign, it usually meant she was going to say something troublesome. Naruko grinned at them and gestured between the pair.

"I couldn't help but notice that you two seem pretty buddy-buddy, are you guys dating?" she asked. Shikamaru frowned and cast slightly panicked eyes at Temari. The woman had a constipated look on her face as she denied the allegations.

"No way, I'm just here representing Suna in this year's chunin exams!" she said, hands on her hips. Shikamaru sighed and nodded.

"Somehow I got roped into helping this year too." He said. Naruko hummed in an overly beatific way and placed a hand under her chin.

"Ohhhh, I get it. You two are _just_ _friends_ huh?" she said, tilting her head and fluttering her lashes. She squaked and leaped out of the way when Temari pointed her fan at her threateningly. Sakura was outright laughing at the scene, Naruko could be pretty funny when she wasn't directing her attention at you. Shikamaru just pinched the bridge of his nose and voiced a resigned 'Troublesome'. Suddenly it felt like Naruko had only been out of the village for three days instead of three years.

"Watch it brat, you're still an genin so I've got rank on you, and diplomatic immunity." Threatened Temari. Naruko giggled and slid in behind Sakura, using her as a meat shield.

"Ahh, speaking of, are you going to participate in the exams this year? You're the last one in our year that isn't a chunin yet." said Shikamaru. Naruko froze. Sakura, who was standing close to her, could even feel the chill radiating off of her body.

"Ahh… Naruko, you good?" she asked, poking the unresponsive girl in the forehead. Naruko slowly turned her head towards Sakura, her eyes staring into the soul of her teammate.

"Even… even you, Sakura-chan?" she asked, her voice small. Sakura sighed internally, she had figured the news wouldn't go over well, but she had expected more dramatics.

"Ahh, yeah. Aren't you going to say congratulations?" she said. Naruko looked conflicted, and sputtered and she looked for words.

"Well, yeah! Obviously, I mean that's great, but how could you do the exams without me!? Don't get me wrong, I'm really happy, but I thought we had something special Sakura-chan! How could you leave me behind? Congratulations though, I'm not surprised that you passed the exams, you're awesome! BUT WE WERE SUPPOSED TO BE AWESOME TOGETHER!" ranted Naruko, her voice switching from excited shouting to betrayed and devastated in rapid succession. Sakura was getting whiplash. Shikamaru, not one to waste a good opportunity, spoke up again.

"Neji, Kankuro, and Temari are Jounin." He stated, stopping Naruko in her tracks mid-rant.

"What?" she said, dumbly. "For real?" she said. Temari nodded her head in confirmation. In Naruko's mind the gap between her and her friends was growing larger by the second, so much had happened in three years! She had a lot of catching up to do. Always one to recover quickly, Naruko snapped up and grinned at Temari.

"Awe man, that's awesome! I have to hurry up and catch up to you then!" she exclaimed. Pausing as a thought struck her she looked to Temari, "Hey, what ever happened to Gaara?" she asked. Sakura was the one who answered.

"I heard he was named Kazekage recently, wasn't he?" she asked. Temari nodded her head.

"That's right. I never thought I'd see the day, but he's come a long way. He is actually pretty popular in the village now." She said. Naruko was thunderstruck.

"You mean Gaara made Kazekage before me? I new he could do it but come on! That's it, I can't let him outdo me like that! Just you wait, I'll be Hokage in no time!" she exclaimed. Saukura shook her head fondly. It was like the girl had never left, and in a way that was a very comforting thought. It might have been nice to meet a more mature version of Naruko, but truth be told, Sakura was glad the girl hadn't changed too much. She had been worried that the girl would come back different.

"One day Naruko, one day. For now, we should spend some time planning how to take down Kakashi-sensei." Said Sakura. Naruko nodded her head enthusiastically and slammed her fist into her open palm.

"Oh yeah, I can't wait to show off what we've learned! We better get started right away! There is still a lot of stuff I want to do today. Shikamaru, Temari, we'll catch you crazy kids later!" she said as the group parted ways.

"I suppose there are a lot of people you want to visit huh? It has been three years." Said Sakura. Naruko nodded her head.

"Yeah, I also should check on my apartment… I think I left milk in the fridge when I left." Said Naruko. Sakura looked at her in horror.

"Oh gross, I am not helping you clean that out." She said.

"Bummer, but fair enough. Hey, does Kakashi-sensei know you have been training with Baa-chan?" asked Naruko. Sakura nodded her head.

"Yeah, he knows that I have been taking lessons in medical jutsu, and I'm sure he has figured out she is training me in combat as well, but I haven't fully disclosed what those lessons included." She said with a small grin. Naruko flashed her a toothy grin.

"Oh man, this is going to be good. I doubt Kakashi-sensei is going to know what hit him! I've been learning all sorts of neat stuff too! Just… uh… you know. Maybe pull back on your punches a little Sakura-chan. You could kill a person with those fists, what the hell has Baa-chan been feeding you?" said Naruko. Sakura huffed and shrugged her shoulders.

"If he pulls out any porn all bets are off. Besides, I didn't hit you _that_ hard, did I?" said Sakura. Naruko leveled her with a look.

"You broke my jaw." She said, pointing to her chin. Sakura looked at her with surprise.

"Whoops… sorry. I might have got a little carried away, but it's fine so long as I can fix it. A broken jaw is nothing. It doesn't look broken to me." Sakura observed.

"Well, yeah. I heal pretty quick, still hurt though." Naruko grumbled.

"I said I was sorry, besides… you had it coming." Said Sakura. Naruko didn't bother disagreeing, even though she wanted too. The ultimate sexy jutsu was pure art, she thought Sakura should be honored to be included in it. She even gave her look alike tits. Whatever.

"Alright, alright… so, what _has _Baa-chan been teaching you?" asked Naruko. Sakura grinned.

"Look, why don't we go get some cleaning supplies and I'll tell you all about it while we clean your place, I want to know all about your adventures too. You're cleaning out the kitchen on your own." Said Sakura. Naruko beamed and grabbed her hand.

"You really mean you'll help me!? I was just going to make my shadow clones do it, but this is so much better!" exclaimed Naruko as she took off towards the market. Sakura stood there feeling stupid for a moment. She hadn't even thought about the shadow clones, she'd just signed herself up for more work and it wasn't even necessary.

"Chaa, damnit." She sighed in resignation as she followed after the elated blonde. The offer seemed to mean a lot to Naruko, so she'd hate to take it back now, besides they could still use shadow clones.

Naruko was, in fact, elated that Sakura had offered to help clean her apartment. She'd left it is quite a state when she left the village. It also meant that the girl wanted to spend extra time with her, which was great! She wasn't sure where she stood with Sakura after all this time. They had been close before she left, but not _that_ close. Sasuke's disappearance had only seemed to put a greater rift between them too, but it looked like they could work passed that.

This also gave her the perfect opportunity to observe Sakura-chan in a domestic setting, maybe she could sell Sakura to Kakashi-sensei as an incredibly (scarily) strong kunoichi as well as a great house keeper. Maybe she should try and get Sakura to cook too. Maybe she would even make ramen? Oh man, what is Sakura was good at making ramen!? Well if that happened then Naruko was just going to have to marry Sakura herself! Except, Sakura-chan so clearly belonged with Kakashi-sensei. Ah, too bad.

The Konoha market district was bustling with activity. Many scents wafted through the air from the street vendors stalls. Everything from food to shoes were on display along the streets. Naruko recognized many of the vendors faces, most of them had been decent to her as a kid. Well, they had sold her stuff at least. There was one vendor that Naruko found herself looking out for though, the cabbage man. No one had antagonized Naruko, or been antagonized by Naruko, more than the cabbage vendor. She couldn't wait to see the look on his face when he saw she was back in town. Naruko grinned as she thought of all the pranks she had played on the man in the past, ah maybe she should give him a proper greeting when she had the time. Sakura caught up to Naruko and tapped her on the shoulder, distracting her from her thoughts.

"Come on, there's a shop with cleaning supplies this way. I hear they came out with a cleaner just for mold and mildew, and I feel like we are going to need it." Said Sakura. Naruko nodded her head and filed the information away for later. So Sakura-chan _was _good at household stuff. The girls spend some time in the market place buying cleaning supplies and other basic household necessities. Sakura was pretty concerned to learn that Naruko didn't own any bleach. It wasn't her fault no one had taught her this stuff. Luckily, it seemed like Sakura was more than willing to fill her in. At least she'd always known how to do her laundry.

"We might not have enough time to really start cleaning, we have to be at the training grounds in forty minutes." Said Sakura. Naruko was surprised, she hadn't realized that they had spend so much time shopping.

"Seriously? Crap, we haven't even come up with a strategy yet! Come on, we better drop this stuff off and get planning! Thanks again for helping me Sakura-chan." Said Naruko.

"Sure, Naruko. Glad I could help. Now, lead the way, we better hurry." Said Sakura. Naruko grinned and took to the rooftops, startling a few civilians. You'd think they would be less jumpy by now, they did live in a hidden village. It took the girls a few minutes of running to reach Naruko's old apartment building, and they were greeted with a nasty surprise.

"Oh shit…" cursed Sakura as she stared at the abandoned building. Naruko was shell shocked, staring open mouthed at the sign plastered to the fencing.

"Condemned?" read Naruko, still in shock. "Look at the date! This place was condemned months ago!" shouted Naruko, pointing accusingly at the sign. Sakura looked at Naruko with a pitying expression.

"Oh wow, Naruko. I'm so sorry." She said, placing the bags she had been carrying on the ground. She put her hand on Naruko's shoulder in an attempt to comfort her.

"I've been sending them rent money the whole time! Those, those, crooks! ARGH!" shouted Naruko, beyond frustrated. Sakura flinched, that really had to bite. Naruko let out a few more frustrated hollers and tugged at one of her pigtails. "Awe man, I really don't have time for this! Do you think any of my stuff is still there?" asked Naruko. Sakura shrugged her shoulders.

"I don't know Naruko, maybe. Let's go take a look, I'm sure sensei will understand if we are late." Said Sakura. Naruko sighed and shook her head, shoulders tense.

"No, there's no point in dealing with it right now, and I really want to hit something!" replied Naruko. Sakura nodded her head in understanding.

"Lets bring this stuff to my place, you can stay at mine tonight." She said. Sakura let out an oomf as Naruko suddenly tackle hugged the girl.

"Saskura-chan! You really are amazing! I'll make it up to you, believe it!" she said, ugly crying and clinging to her teammate. Sakura shook her head at how quickly the girl could switch moods. Sakura lead Naruko to her house and set the girl's bags off to the side. They'd get her settled in later, for now they had a lot of built up aggression they wanted to take out on their sensei, which meant they needed a battle plan.


	3. Chapter 3

**Welcome to the third instalment of Stupid Cupid, I own nothing as always. **

It didn't take long for the toad sannin to find Kakashi. The distinctive giggle of a seasoned pervert enjoying excellent smut gave away his position. Jiraiya leaned against the tree Kakashi was hiding in and crossed his arms in a relaxed pose.

"I've got to hand it to you Jiraiya-sama, you have really outdone yourself with this volume!" praised Kakashi, "What is your secret?" he asked.

"Heh, that would be Naruko." he replied with a smirk. Kakashi stopped reading.

"Wut?" fumbled its way out of his lips as he tried to process what he had just heard. Jiraiya laughed,

"Oh yeah, you heard me right! Turns out she has a real knack for character creation. She helped me out quite a bit while we were travelling! I had her fine tuning relationships and editing the transcript." said the sannin.

"You let Naruko write _porn_?" asked Kakashi, clearly a little disgruntled at the revelation. Jiraiya frowned, it wasn't simple porn, it was sensational erotic literature.

"Well sure! She's a natural! Besides, she needed the practice. She couldn't read or write for shit when we started. Her handwriting is still pretty shit. Not a lot of hope of her learning seals, that's for sure. Anyway, have you reached the part where they introduce Miku-chan yet?" asked Jiraiya.

"Yes?" Kakashi said cautiously.

"All Naruko's idea. Some of her best work really. You should really ask her to show you the henge some time!" Jiraiya exclaimed with a laugh. Kakashi nearly choked, he could feel his mind slowly breaking.

"You," started Kakashi, "You were supposed to be teaching her how to control the nine-tails and protecting her from the Akatsuki. You weren't supposed to… to.. corrupt her innocence with porn!" accused Kakashi.

"Ahh, so that's what all of this is about." Jiraiya said, nodding his head sagely. Kakashi's eyebrows drew together in confusion.

"What all of what is about?" he inquired.

"I just realized why you ran away from your reunion so quickly, and why you are trying to post-pone your spar. I thought they called you the copy-cat nin, not the scaredy-cat nin. Yet, here you are, running scared from your gennin student!" said Jiraiya. Kakashi jumped down from his tree, arms crossed and brow raised.

"Oh? And pray tell, why would I be scared of _Naruko_? What are you trying to say?" he demanded. Jiraiya matched his eyebrow raise with an even bigger eyebrow raise.

"I'm saying that Naruko is all grown up now, and that scares the shit out of you." responded Jiraiya. Kakashi tried not to flinch at the accusation.

"Of course she has grown, it has been three years. I don't see why that would _scare_ me." countered Kakashi. Jiraiya shrugged.

"I'm just calling it like I see it. You look one look at Naruko and tried to reconcile the differences between the child she used to be and the woman she has become, and you couldn't. It broke your little brain. Kind of how thinking about Naruko writing porn did. Come on Hatake, did you really think she would never grow up and learn about things sex or romance?" teased Jiraiya. Kakashi's hands had curled into fists.

"No, I just –" he started saying, but Jiraiya cut him off.

"No? You didn't expect her to stay innocent forever? Then what has you so upset? Was it too sudden? Is it because you didn't get to see it happen?" he asked. This time Kakashi did flinch, and Jiraiya's eyes widened as understanding settled in.

"Oh." he said, and relaxed his posture. Of course this was about Kakashi's separation issue. He pinched the bridge of his nose and sighed. He owed the man an apology, he would have to go about this more gently.

"She's changed." said Kakashi, shoulders slumping in defeat, "She looks different, sounds different, acts different. I'm starting to realize just how much I've missed. She really has grown, huh?" said Kakashi.

"She's still Naruko." Jiraiya offered, "Sure some things are a little different, but she hasn't changed at the core of herself." he said. Kakashi hummed and looked away, refusing to answer. "Look, I wont pretend to understand what you are thinking right now, but just because some things are different doesn't mean that everything is. Naruko has a number of people that she considers important to her now, but it wasn't always like that for her, and you are one of the first people she ever felt close to. She isn't going to forget that and neither should you." said Jiraiya. Things were silent between the two ask Kakashi thought over what he had said.

"You are right, she is still my student." Kakashi admitted, "I may have been overthinking things." he said. Jiraiya laughed.

"I'll say! Jeeze, for a little while there I was starting to think you were panicking because you thought she was hot, not because you were feeling left out!" laughed Jiraiya. Kakashi's posture became awfully stiff.

"Ha. Ha. Of course not. That would be crazy. And wrong. On so many levels." said Kakashi a little robotically. Jiraiya rolled his eyes.

"Who you trying to convince, kid? Me or yourself?" he mumbled.

"Pardon?" said Kakashi, but Jiraiya waved him off. He didn't feel like opening that can of worms today.

"Never mind. Tsunade and the kids are going to be waiting for you in training ground seven soon. I wouldn't keep them waiting too long." He said and with a parting wave he lept away and left Kakashi standing at the tree. Now that Minato's emotionally constipated student was dealt with, there was a bath house in the southern district that had been missing him for the last three years. It was probably time for him to pay it a visit.

**And Jiraiya uses therapy no jutsu. Sorry for the long wait and short chapter. That's just how I roll.**


End file.
